Mind Dump

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Depression-1

I have to get myself organized. I have to remember to experience things. Maybe if I write them down, make a list, put them in a row and number them, I will actually do them. Usually I go through life pretty numb, pretty introverted and absorbed with what’s going on inside. That would be ok if it wasn’t mostly worry, fear and anxiety of late.

I was never that person, never negative, jealous, angry, afraid. I realized early on that those feelings are useless and destructive. I embraced people and things. Especially different people and things. I learn when I experience things and I am a sponge by nature. I’m an empath and I absorb people. Maybe that’s where the trouble began?

I absorb people. I absorb their energy in such a way that it becomes a part of me. So it becomes mine. And their emotions, their jealousy, fear, anxiety, becomes my jealousy, fear, and anxiety- things I never felt before! Things I can’t make sense of or explain. My mind says, this is foolish, don’t feel this way and yet my heart is heavy, my soul is saturated with THINGS I don’t understand or want. And I stopped experiencing things for myself. And I stopped feeling powerful.

I think everyone goes through something similar at some point in life. I mean, we are all connected and we are all part of a single consciousness that is pushing out the same frequency to us all. The good news is, it is pushing out enlightenment. We are AWAKENING to ourselves and to each other so at first there will be pain, confusion, fear, GROWING pains as I’ve come to call it. And I feel myself expanding. I feel the triviality of everything. There is something so much bigger that we all belong to and it’s beautiful. We are evolving. We are leveling up.

I am expanding and I feel myself dissolving into the very air, the atmosphere calls me, the world calls me out of my shell, out of my body. This sac of meat quivering in the universe. My soul aches to be free of it, but not yet. There is so much more to EXPERIENCE. To learn. And then to share. To teach, to love. It’s all for love. And I realized how much I love you. If I just take a moment to SEE you for what you are. For the beauty in you. Not the fear and the pain, I don’t have to absorb that anymore. I know it’s there now so I can work around it and find your love. Find your strength and absorb that and expand further. Further WITH you now and you expand as well.

You are next to expand.

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