We all carry this sorrow and this loss inside of us that is centuries old. The idea of the single life to be lived to the fullest and that’s all you get is so misleading and limiting to us spiritually. We are all on a very long process to learn and to love. However sometimes these past lives stay with us much longer than we ever thought that they could. And we carry with us love that has been lost, events that have been traumatic, pain that we’ve been through, we carry that into our current lives and it goes untreated. Unresolved. And people like me, who FEEL the depth of thousands of years don’t have a voice. And the problem with an eternal soul is the idea of this unresolved suffering is from a time so far passed that you could never resolve it. Pain like this can never be reconciled or healed because the people are gone, the events are gone, that life is gone. And people like Chris Cornell who killed himself seemingly out of absolutely nowhere because in his real life he was so happy and fucking had everything. But no our real lives don’t get our real selves. Our real selves are in our art and in what we create. What he created for millions of his fans was not a fantasy persona but his real self. People tell me ‘you didn’t know him personally so you can’t possibly be grieving’. Well that’s not true and I don’t fucking buy that because the realest he ever was was in his art and in his music. He showed me exactly who he is and he’s just like me. As I show exactly who I am in my writing. My real life doesn’t get the real me. My real self is not there when I go to work. My real self is not there when I pay bills. That is bullshit beyond bullshit and sometimes your real self isn’t even in your day-to-day life with your family. My real self is between two covers of a book. Chris’s real self is a series of sound waves, in his music. That’s who he was, that was his real self. And if I am honest I knew exactly what he felt and I know exactly why he did what he did and it should not be a shock to anybody. Because we are so diminished and taught to be so small BUT our eternal souls are so gigantic, as big as God because we are God himself, but if you believe that it’s called an ego or you are a narcissist. Meanwhile our real selves are diminished every day and of course someone that deep, someone who is that old of a soul will not want to put up with it longer than they can stand. We handle our pain everyday and it’s the day we don’t want to anymore that ends this journey to simply start the next. I empathize and I understand him. It doesn’t mean that I too will take my own life but I will recognize that not enough is done to address this issue. And more people like us will choose this dark path back home because we can only carry this weight for so long, while the world IGNORES it. You forget, we are eternal souls having a human experience and no more. Do good, show love, do better for others, that’s the fucking point. And Chris DID THAT. He was done. It’s ok.
My idea for a radio show called ‘Elevated’ speaks to people about this empowerment that is so deep inside of us that we are taught never to tap into- as much as they tell us to be strong- they don’t fucking mean it. They mean to keep you small and keep you consuming. You’re a consumer. That’s all you are to them. But to me you are the entire world and the world inside of you is part of me too. It’s time to elevate each other and elevate ourselves and understand the internal struggle that comes from the eternal struggle we are forever battling.