“I always suspected but wasn’t sure”

Goals. What are they really but little promises we make to ourselves. A contract of sorts, taking on a debt, like a mortgage. You pay into them your entire life, working so hard for them, spending hours, days, weeks and years on achieving them, until all your years are spent. A beautiful journey of things unfolding, along the path to your bliss and everything you could ever want. That’s if you got your goal right.
If you haven’t gotten it right, you’ve spent years chasing a dream that wasn’t yours, that perhaps was put there by expectation or society, or by family and friends. Perhaps the small circle of people you existed with guided you that way. Perhaps you knew all along what you WANTED but you were afraid, so a new goal was shoved in front of the true one. Regardless, if the goal is wrong, your years were almost wasted- except that you gained some experience or friends along the way. You probably also learned what your true goal should have been the whole time.
I realized I have no monetary goal, or any measurable goal other than comfort, a sense of accomplishment and happiness. I want to be happy. Happy is simplicity. Happy is kindness. Happy is being in control of your own time, your own day, your own schedule. Spending hours the way you choose to. Of course on your way to happy there are ’things you don’t want to do’ but why? Is this an immature way of stomping my feet and saying I want some instant gratification on the least work possible? I have no idea. I do believe now more than ever that we don’t need even a quarter of the things we have. Outside a great pair of yoga pants and a warm sweatshirt, I haven’t needed my Dooney & Burke purse or my Coach flats. I probably need a hair cut, but other than a hot shower and a bar of soap and some fresh produce and a pack of chicken- I actually don’t need any of this shit. My house, yes, my car…. No?
So what is it that I learned? What is it that I need? What is my true goal? I always suspected but I wasn’t sure; the goal was quiet simplicity, comfort and yoga pants. But no it was also sunshine and fresh air. Animals returning to empty streets, the ocean clearing of garbage, the air refreshed and unpolluted. I suspected I was a tree hugging, animal loving, conservative republican who believes capitalism is the greatest opportunity we have in the world. What? How does a tree hugging capitalist set a goal for herself?
The goal is simple. To live simple. To simply help. To have a simplistic approach to people and things. To simply enjoy each day. Contribute, empower, create positivity and encourage dreams. While remaining quiet, and simple. I’m not the nuclear power plant I thought I was. I’ve become introverted and majestic, like a quiet stream in the remote mountain forests. I want to dig into people’s hearts and ask them- what did you really want to do with your life? I learned there is still time, to do whatever you want, to play by your own rules, to change the game in some profound way. Or to leave the game behind. What is it that you really need? Less, that’s for sure. What is it that you really want? Soap? What do you really love? Now that is the true question. What do you love, because after this, you should do that.

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