The New American Normal?

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Is this how we should accept to live?

More bombs and a terrorist manhunt.

I’m a Bernie or Buster, all the way. I do not and will not support Hillary Clinton. I am disappointed in Obama who told me…. ‘Yes we can’ and I believed him. I cried tears of joy when he was elected and inaugurated. It was a proud moment for this country, today, my heart is broken, again, for my country.

8 years later it is more important to be politically correct and socially careful than to state truth and facts. You know the facts, you hear them, you read them and you either accept them or you deny their legitimacy. It is true though, we are at war. Extremists and radicals have very proudly stated that they hate us. They burn our flag. Our FLAG. Our star spangled banner that stands for our very freedom. We need to fight back, we need to face the truth. We need to protect Americans, ALL Americans, our Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and Atheist brothers and sisters alike. People who believe in and contribute to our dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

We need a wall.

Hillary wants to let 100,000 more refugees in. She thinks it’s fine to flood our cities with undocumented, unchecked immigrants. We have always helped (when profitable) in the past, so why be racist and close our borders now? Because America needs help. Americans need our leaders to make us strong again. 80% of Americans live at, near or below the poverty line. 80%. Chances are someone you know, who may be reading this, knows that all too well. We need to to take care of our family first before we break our precious bread and hand it to another. Would you take food from your children, to let them starve, and hand it off to a stranger’s? Sounds beautiful, utopian and selfless. But we are not in Utopia.

September 2016. 4 bombs and a stabbing in Minnesota. American lives impacted, lost, changed forever. That wall sounds really good right now to New York and New Jersey too. When an act of terror happens to your city, to your friends and family, you want to protect them, vehemently, so it never happens again. Once you’re safe and your constitutional rights are protected, you can tell me how racist I am for flipping to Trump today. Once you’re safe behind his wall with our fellow Americans of all races and backgrounds, free to think and do what you want because THAT’s the American way. Once you’re safe, you can call me a racist for believing Americans come first. Black ones, white ones, brown ones, yellow ones and red ones, they are my people. We are one united soul. But we need to protect our own family before others, and before we ‘name call’ into oblivion.

They have declared war on us. They hate us. They burn our flag. Our beautiful national symbol of our very freedom. It’s not a perfect country, but it’s our country. And I want it safe. My husband, my mother, my brother, my nephew and nieces, my cousins, my family, I want them safe.

I want a wall. And I am perfectly comfortable with you thinking I am racist for it.

-J Carson Rose

The People Dilemma

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This is actually a writing dilemma. To add people, or not to add people? That is my question. One of the things I hear people struggle with in George RR Martin’s writing is the MANY story lines and seemingly irrelevant characters and minor plot points that distract from the main story. On the other hand, one of the things I truly love about his writing is the weaving of these people through the main plot points, showing how they ARE in fact influencing and affecting the greater story arc, even if it takes a long time to get there. So ultimately, I have faith in his writing and his vision. After all, it is his world.

However, there is something really special about Robin Hobb’s very intimate portrayal of ONE character. I read Fool’s Assassin and was so engrossed in Fitz and the world revolving and unfolding around him, that I rather long for that intimacy in other stories. That said, in my own writing, I have struggled with writing in that limited POV (limited is not negative, it’s a creative choice which I adopted for book 1) and I want to branch out very widely, bring in new folks and new stories in book 2. Can I make this leap, and will my readers stick with me? Book 1 was an introduction to the world and characters, and I am hoping once the readers are invested, they will go with me on another journey. Or two. Or three…..

So the people dilemma, how many people is too many people? I have 11 cousins in this epic tale, to start, and they are all about to attend a funeral (inciting incident), meanwhile the main character just ‘returned from the dead’ (no he’s not a zombie), and people are flocking to the city to see if that’s true. Nothing like a funeral or a birth to draw a crowd. Maintaining each character’s individual arc and story while mixing them together is tricky for a writer, but not impossible. So this is my challenge, add them and add them all, because they are ALL relevant to the final outcome, BUT I have to keep them moving, keep them interesting and keep reminding my readers why they are relevant. And reminding myself. And as soon as they are not helping the plot, their death just may do that instead!

What am I doing here? I have work to do!!!

The Most Exciting Time of My Life

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In 7th grade I began to rewrite Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I had thunk up a new character that I felt the story needed. ME. I longed so deeply to be in that world with those amazing people in those desperate, dark times to do what I could to help. To spread love and light.

But I was born to this world, perhaps for the same reason. And the character I once forced into Tolkien’s world began to demand a world of her own. One where she could set the rules and shape the story to her liking. And that’s true for life, isn’t it? Isn’t this our story that we write everyday? And when you think of it that way it certainly opens the possibilities and helps you to think objectively. Well, if the story sucks, you have to add events, drama, conflict and sort it out over a period of growth and self-realization. A character arch for your life. For your storyline. Isn’t that something to think about?

Anyway, my character became a representation of my highest self. My greatest good. My perfect soul. And she expanded out and into other’s lives in her story and became part of them as well. And others expanded, touched by her show of love and compassion for even the most troubled souls, and they too expanded and became bright lights of their own. The story became a tale, the tale stretched out into a book, and now 23 years laters later, a series of six books (if I can get away cheap!) And this Friday is my first book signing, my first book discussion and event and I am curious how this insanity will be received.

This should be the most exciting time of my life. But I am terrified. I am broken hearted at the direction of our country and our world. We’re more divided now than ever but isn’t that how it goes? We must descend further to the deepest depths, hit rock bottom as they say, to turn around and begin the slow journey upwards.

My book does that. My life does that. Our lives do that. We are all one after all, anyway. I think of us as the ‘god pizza’ each a slice of the greater soul at our head, each empowered to do the work mankind has always expected a ‘GOD’ to do. It is us. We are God. We are have the power to overcome, change and grow. We are miracle workers and profound healers, just look around you. That light is within you so embrace it. You are god. I am god. And there’s no use in dying for it because we are here to live amongst each other. To experience love. To grow our understanding.

This is the most exciting time of my life because it is a time of change. How lucky we are to be here for it, no matter how bad it may seem. Gandalf once said ‘All you can do is decide what to do with the time that is given to you’ and he was very very right. Decide to be part of the growth.

Mind Dump

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I have to get myself organized. I have to remember to experience things. Maybe if I write them down, make a list, put them in a row and number them, I will actually do them. Usually I go through life pretty numb, pretty introverted and absorbed with what’s going on inside. That would be ok if it wasn’t mostly worry, fear and anxiety of late.

I was never that person, never negative, jealous, angry, afraid. I realized early on that those feelings are useless and destructive. I embraced people and things. Especially different people and things. I learn when I experience things and I am a sponge by nature. I’m an empath and I absorb people. Maybe that’s where the trouble began?

I absorb people. I absorb their energy in such a way that it becomes a part of me. So it becomes mine. And their emotions, their jealousy, fear, anxiety, becomes my jealousy, fear, and anxiety- things I never felt before! Things I can’t make sense of or explain. My mind says, this is foolish, don’t feel this way and yet my heart is heavy, my soul is saturated with THINGS I don’t understand or want. And I stopped experiencing things for myself. And I stopped feeling powerful.

I think everyone goes through something similar at some point in life. I mean, we are all connected and we are all part of a single consciousness that is pushing out the same frequency to us all. The good news is, it is pushing out enlightenment. We are AWAKENING to ourselves and to each other so at first there will be pain, confusion, fear, GROWING pains as I’ve come to call it. And I feel myself expanding. I feel the triviality of everything. There is something so much bigger that we all belong to and it’s beautiful. We are evolving. We are leveling up.

I am expanding and I feel myself dissolving into the very air, the atmosphere calls me, the world calls me out of my shell, out of my body. This sac of meat quivering in the universe. My soul aches to be free of it, but not yet. There is so much more to EXPERIENCE. To learn. And then to share. To teach, to love. It’s all for love. And I realized how much I love you. If I just take a moment to SEE you for what you are. For the beauty in you. Not the fear and the pain, I don’t have to absorb that anymore. I know it’s there now so I can work around it and find your love. Find your strength and absorb that and expand further. Further WITH you now and you expand as well.

You are next to expand.

The World

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The world. Our world. So beautiful, so precious, so fragile. At times I feel the rotation of it and hear the universe rushing by with inspired gasps at just how many other worlds there are. There are millions. And even more astonishing is the number of worlds within each of us. My book is a tribute to one of the most powerful worlds swirling around inside of me.

From when I was a child I knew this inner world existed. I would play outside in the fresh air, pretending to be hundreds of miles from where I stood, and a hundred lifetimes back before this one. There was magic in the air and it came from my soul. I put it there, with a dirty twig and a thrust of my small hand- the magic surged from my grip and out into the atmosphere. And at that moment the wind would pick up or a cloud would scurry passed the sun and I would believe that I wielded some power over the world! How encouraging for a little mind. So my world grew, and so did the magic.

As an adult, the magic manifests itself in more casual ways. I no longer shout commands at the trees as I walk to a lunch meeting or wave my hand over a puddle (to part the water) before I get the bottoms of my dress pants wet. I keep the magic to myself, but I bless people everyday with it. How, you ask? With my belief in their magic, with my support of their abilities and power, with my unwavering faith that all of us are inherently good and capable of whatever we can dream up.

And then I go home to the quiet and I lose myself in my story world, and I give this incredible power to my characters, to be the rulers of their fate, to wield the boldest magic ever imagined and to express the most intimate and dark and private and compassionate parts of me in such a way that I am bleeding on the page.

And then I see the world. Our world. And my world, in harmony.

The Outsider

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Folks, I give you HP Lovecraft. It is a known fact that my inspiration has always been JRR Tolkien, who introduced me to characters so well written and developed, that they became real to me. And so, the journey began, to make the characters in my mind real as well.

That said, it was HP Lovecraft that truly took the art of writing to a level rarely seen in anyone else’s work, that absolutely fascinated me. While Tolkien was imaginative and wholesome in his struggle between good and evil, Lovecraft was so truthful it was painful, horrifying, haunting, and disturbing to a point where I would find myself clutching the book, wide eyed, heart pounding, experiencing this abhorrent disgusting thing that he described with such finesse and detail, AND YET, with plenty of room for my own mind to run WILD with fear as it concocted it’s own terrifying image of whatever the hell he was describing! Invigorating, entertaining, scary to the point where I would slam the book closed and toss it away.

And so my own writing pales in comparison to both of these geniuses, but everyday I strive for it. As Book 1 begins it’s slow crawl out into the world beyond the safety of my embrace, I ponder just how will I top it? How will I get better as a writer to give my characters the author they deserve. The story is bigger than me, it has no business staying with me, it wants to be out there with others, attracting more people who may understand its message and get something profound from its pages. The answer; I must continue to read these greats, absorb more of their style and talent and regurgitate it in my own twisted mix of their best skill.

Invigorating, exciting, life changing!

Fun fact? Or destiny?

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I was named after Carson McCullers. My mother adored the timeless expression of abject sorrow that Carson created in her characters in ‘The Heart is a Lonely Hunter’. I grew up hearing quotes about it, being told bits and pieces of the story and watching my mother get so much joy from other books as well. Was this something that pre-destined me to be an author? Was it that she sent me to Bennington College so intent on making me achieve my full creative potential?

Could it just be fate? And by fate I mean, the universe already knowing I would be an author, so it left its little stamp on me by giving this love of reading to my mother? So one day she would love this novel, this one author so much that she would name her precious baby girl in tribute? My middle name is Carson and so it became the most important name for my authorship and my tribute to a great American novelist, who I can only dream to be as good a storyteller.

For the record, my grandmother’s name was Rose and it is also my mother’s middle name. So there are three incredible women credited with my authorship and pen name, which would not exist without each of their very important contributions.